Anyone who’s coached for more than five minutes knows that not every session runs smoothly. Whether you’re working with kids who are full of energy or adults learning to balance sport with busy lives, tricky behavior can pop up. So how do you tackle those moments without shaming the individual – and instead, foster growth, learning, and respect?
Let’s explore practical ways to handle behavioral challenges in sport without leaving lasting emotional scars.
First of All: Why Avoid Shaming?
Shame shuts people down. While it may stop disruptive behavior in the short term, research shows that it does little to support long-term behavior change or personal development.
But it’s not just young athletes. Adults, too, are more likely to disengage from sport if they feel embarrassed or judged, especially beginners or returners to physical activity.
Common Questions Coaches Ask
“What if a player is constantly acting out or not listening?”
Start by staying curious. Instead of assuming it’s simply ‘bad behavior,’ ask yourself:
- Could they be tired, frustrated, or struggling with something outside of sport?
- Do they understand the expectations?
- Is the activity too easy or too hard?
Pull them aside privately, with a calm tone, and use language like:
“Hey, I noticed it’s been hard to focus today. Want to tell me what’s going on?”
By using curiosity rather than confrontation, you’re more likely to get to the root cause – and show the player you value them beyond their behavior.
“How do I set boundaries while still being supportive?”
Consistency is key. Use a pre-agreed set of team values or a code of conduct that all players help create. This builds a shared sense of responsibility. When boundaries are crossed:
- Stick to the agreed consequences.
- Stay calm and neutral in tone.
- Focus on the behavior, not the person.
For example:
❌ “You’re being a nightmare today – just stop!”
✅ “Remember our rule about listening when someone is speaking? Right now, you’re interrupting, and we all agreed to take turns.”
“What’s the best way to encourage positive change?”
Catching players doing the right thing and reinforcing it is powerful. Try:
- Giving shout-outs for effort, teamwork, or persistence
- Checking in after a session to reflect on what went well
- Using positive coaching techniques to reinforce desired behaviors
Even a quick “I noticed you tried really hard to stay focused today. That shows great resilience!” can go a long way.
Top Tips for Managing Tough Moments
- Take a breath. Your tone matters more than your words. Even when frustrated, staying calm helps de-escalate the situation.
- Use ‘we’ language. It creates a sense of team responsibility, e.g., “We can’t all play our best if we don’t listen.”
- Offer choices. For younger athletes, especially, offering options gives them agency, e.g., “Would you like to take a break or rejoin with a new role?”
Bonus: Handling Parents and Adults
Whether you’re coaching kids or adults, sometimes poor behavior doesn’t come from the players! It might be a frustrated parent or a hyper-competitive team mate.
Set the tone early. Hold welcome meetings or share clear expectations for behavior at the beginning of the season. If someone crosses a line, have a respectful private conversation. Use “I” statements to avoid blame:
“I feel it’s better for everyone when we stay supportive from the sidelines – can we agree on that going forward?”
Want to Learn More?
For extra support, check out these resources:
Final Thoughts
Responding to poor behavior without shaming is a skill that shows real leadership. Whether you’re coaching children, adults, or anywhere in between, approaching challenges with empathy, structure and positivity builds stronger teams and more resilient individuals.
Remember: behavior is communication. When we listen beyond the outburst, we build not just better players, but better people.
